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Jokes

Pixguy

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Why did Bill Clinton name his White House dog Buddy?

Because he couldn't should "come spot" ... "come spot" in the hallways of the White House
 

JerryBob

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A man from Texas travels to the Middle East and finds ca mels so fascinating that he decides to buy one and bring it back home with him.
For the next month, he rides the ca mel all over the city. The next day when goes to get the ca mel, he finds that it is has been stolen.

He goes to the police department to report it stolen. The desk sergeant asks him to describe the ca mel.

He says incredulously, "What do you mean, describe the ca mel? It looks like a ca mel!"

The sergeant then asks if the ca mel is male or female.

The man replies, "How should I know? Do I look like a ca mel expert?"

He pauses a moment, then says, "Wait, I'm sure that it's a male."

The sergeant wonders, "How can you suddenly be so sure?"

The man declares, "Well, everywhere I rode him, I heard people say, 'Hey look at the d ick on that ca mel'"
 

Schrute Farm

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A man from Texas travels to the Middle East and finds ca mels so fascinating that he decides to buy one and bring it back home with him.
For the next month, he rides the ca mel all over the city. The next day when goes to get the ca mel, he finds that it is has been stolen.

He goes to the police department to report it stolen. The desk sergeant asks him to describe the ca mel.

He says incredulously, "What do you mean, describe the ca mel? It looks like a ca mel!"

The sergeant then asks if the ca mel is male or female.

The man replies, "How should I know? Do I look like a ca mel expert?"

He pauses a moment, then says, "Wait, I'm sure that it's a male."

The sergeant wonders, "How can you suddenly be so sure?"

The man declares, "Well, everywhere I rode him, I heard people say, 'Hey look at the d ick on that ca mel'"
I do believe that happened to you! Lol
 

JerryBob

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I do believe that happened to you! Lol
Of course you do......here's one for you.

While walking through the mall I spotted the Islamic Book Store and I went in.
The clerk asked me, "can I help you?" I said, "yes, can you tell me where I can find Donald Trump's book on refugees?" He turned BEET red and said, "eat s hit, get the f uck out and stay out." I said, "yes, that's the one, now where is it located?"
 

Dftodd

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TAKE YOUR PERSONAL INSULTS ELSEWHERE, THIS IS JUST JOKES ABOUT NON TNT PEOPLE.
JB went out partying one night. The next day he ran into one of his friends. Friend mentioned the JB was pretty loaded when he left the bar.

Friend asked what he did when he went home.

JB replied he went home and blew bubbles.

About that time one of his friends asked "isn't your dog named bubbles???"
 

JerryBob

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JB went out partying one night. The next day he ran into one of his friends. Friend mentioned the JB was pretty loaded when he left the bar.

Friend asked what he did when he went home.

JB replied he went home and blew bubbles.

About that time one of his friends asked "isn't your dog named bubbles???"
Expect a steaming note from Pixey....he considers himself the joke police.
 

JerryBob

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JB went out partying one night. The next day he ran into one of his friends. Friend mentioned the JB was pretty loaded when he left the bar.

Friend asked what he did when he went home.

JB replied he went home and blew bubbles.

About that time one of his friends asked "isn't your dog named bubbles???"

Daffy is at a convention
...and a groupie comes back to his hotel room and things start to get a bit hot and heavy, and after a while she says to Daffy, "Say, do you have any... you know, *protection*?"

And Daffy says "No, I kinda forgot to bring any, but that's OK, I'll just call reception," and he picks up the phone and taps the number and says, "Hello, room three one two here, would you kindly send a condom up straight away?"

And the receptionist checks the room number and says, "Certainly, anything for you sir, and would you like me to put it on your bill?"

And Daffy shrieks "*What do you take me for, a f ucking pervert*?"
 

drssg

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First of all, why on earth is ca mel considered profane?

I heard a variant on JB's ca mel joke when I was in grade school. Back then, pollock jokes were popular. We'll just say that two guys, who weren't particularly bright, were riding a ca mel across the desert. They stopped for the night, setup their tent, and went to sleep.

When they awoke, they were surprised to see that an entire caravan on ca mels had also stopped for the night. There were ca mels everywhere, and they somehow had to find theirs.

One guy started going to the ca mels one at a time. He would lift up the tail and then move on to the next. When his friend asked what he was doing, he explained, "When we were riding yesterday, I heard someone say, 'Look at the two a***oles on that ca mel!'"
 

drssg

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An elderly couple was sitting on their front porch, just rocking in their rocking chairs. With no warning, the old lady smacked her husband in the back of the head.

Husband: What was that for?
Wife: That's for fifty years of lousy s e x!

They continued to rock back and forth for a while, and then the old man smacked his wife in the back of the head.

Wife: What was that for?
Husband: That's for knowing the difference!
 

Mace Canute

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Back in the 70's I found a cartoon of two guys riding on an elephant and since we had two management guys working in the garage, one an alcoholic and the other best described as incompetent, I penciled in their names on the cartoon with little arrows pointing to the guys on the elephant and hung it up on their shop bulletin board.
 

Pixguy

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Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day. Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico?" Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter." When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks.

"He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.

"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
 

JerryBob

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Yes guys, let's try to have a thread without personal insults.
I think we should just make sure the jokes are funny....if you are offended....don't read that darn thread.....there are no rules.
 

JerryBob

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Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
 

JerryBob

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I'm not sure if I'm more liberal or conservative.
I smoke weed and f uck poor people.
 

JerryBob

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Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside Mar A Lago...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the ex President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
 

lostcreekranch

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JB went out partying one night. The next day he ran into one of his friends. Friend mentioned the JB was pretty loaded when he left the bar.

Friend asked what he did when he went home.

JB replied he went home and blew bubbles.

About that time one of his friends asked "isn't your dog named bubbles???"
" "isn't your dog named bubbles???"

Nope ... named Mace ....
 
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